One of those Days

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it has been one of those days where i had to make major decision but fear moved in and i froze. I was faced with a situation where i was teaching but the people I was spending time and money on were not receptive. i was left with a decision to either continue throwing "pearls to swine", or leave and continue seeking people with who I could share. Today I chose the latter.

For years I have been put, or better yet allowed myself to be put into a situation where I would be forced to try to get "blood from a turnip". In other words teach people who don't want what I have to offer. Many of the young people that I work with are at a point where they have to be introduced to spirituality outside of their familiar surroundings. unfortunately the group that i was working with were locked up. They cant even leave the pods they are in, so I find that the majority are not receptive to much of anything. The minority that are willing to learn are often overpowered and out gunned by the ignorant.

I have often found in my experiences that when we move outside of our comfort zone something inside of us opens up. it seems we hear better, we drop our shields and become receptive. I guess that's why with traditional Rites of Passage the people under going the initiation were removed from the community and put in uncomfortable situations. this opened them up for the lessons to come. This give us space and time to change internally. when you add different activities that are outside of what we thought was possible we create a change. for example in a vision quest a individual would be lead out by themselves and left. first they are removed from what they know, next they have to challenge themselves to stay where ever they are left alone, and without food and sometimes water. unusual circumstances create unusual opportunities for growth. there are thousands of similar activities that we can plug into to change ourselves as well as help people change. But if we keep doing what we've been doing we can only get what we have been getting, to expect something else is as they say insane.
I had to decide not to be insane anymore. My biggest pain is that it is not necessarily the kids that I work with, but the system that they are involved in. Its almost like the kids feed off the system, and the system feeds off the kids forming a feed back loop that produce unhealthiness. to make change we have to remove the kids or the system so that changes can be made.

how many of us are caught in a unhealthy feedback loop in our life? what does it take for us to change? who can we blame for our situation? What holds us stuck in these broke systems that no longer work or never worked. i think we hide behind these systems because they give us the illusion of safety and stability. i was pursuing an illusion, are you?